


Where Is Your Heart?

by SincerelySalty



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-20 03:24:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9473276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SincerelySalty/pseuds/SincerelySalty
Summary: After winning gold at the Grand Prix Finals, Yuri has fears that if they find out his secret... He can't skate the way he loves anymore.





	1. Don't Listen To Them

**Author's Note:**

> **NOTE: "Yura" is short for "Yuratchka", so no. I am not spelling "Yuri" incorrectly.**

_**[Nikolai Plisetsky's P.O.V.]** _

    Yura was in the bathroom, throwing up again. This had been happening alot lately. He says  it's just because of nightmares upsetting his stomach and it's not a big deal.  While I do believe his reasoning, I don't agree with his perspective. It wasn't something to be brushed off to the side. I knew what these nightmares dealt with. The night after the finals, Yura ran to Lilia in tears when nobody was paying attention. 

 _"That bastard called me a girl again!"_ Is how the story started. Yura was clinging to his instructor. He usually blew up at JJ and stormed away, but this time he broke down. He was scared that if anyone were to see him as a female, he wouldn't be able to skate the way he loved anymore... He'd be put in the Ladies' Division. Which, if you knew him at birth, is where he would've been put. 

 _"Grandpa, I want to be a boy."_ Is what he told me one day before he began skating competitively. My eyes widened slightly. However, I found myself smiling. "Alright, Yura. You can be a boy." I ruffled his hair, which I had cut for him when we returned home. _"I love it!"_ He exclaimed, staring into the mirror before hugging me tightly. It didn't matter to me what gender he wanted to be; he's always be my precious grandchild. If he decided he wanted to be a girl again, he could do what he pleased. The only problem was... His parents. They didn't like the idea of their 6-year-old  _daughter_ wanting to be a boy. I shielded him from the glass shards that had rebounded off the wall. His father had thrown his coffee cup at Yura for being a "selfish brat", while his mother averted her gaze indifferently from her seat at the table. That was the night I officially "stole" Yura and moved to a different part of Russia. 

  Though I took a hit by glass for him, I think he was the one who was truly scarred. Despite all of that, when he heard his parents were in a bad financial situation, he sent some of what he had earned through skating to support them. I didn't understand at first, but his reasoning was this: _"They brought me into this world. I am in this world, loved by you, and free to skate. It is by their doing I was born, though by your doing I am still living now.  But it will be by **my** doing that they understand a person succeeds _ _only by who they want to be... I will succeed. Not as a girl, not as a boy. But as your grandchild and as Yuratchka."_

  Those are the words of a brave soul. Those are the words that broke my heart and built it brand new. Though still my little Yura at heart, he was known publicly as _"Yuri Plisetsky"._ The young Russian prodigy, winning events around every corner.  He was graceful, smart, and dedicated. All of these efforts bring us back to now.

  I knocked on the bathroom door, only for it to crack open. With a sigh, I walked in and rubbed my grandchild's back gently and pushed his hair aside. "I think I'm good for now..." He mumbled. I nodded in response. "I'm glad. Let's go make some tea, alright?" He stood up and I led him to the kitchen.

  _"Don't listen to them."_ I ruffled his hair gently, guiding him along. _"They're all liars."_ And he nodded, knowing the truth.

 

 **[** **Глава Конец** **]**

_**[Chapter End]** _


	2. Welcome To The Madness

_**[Yuri Plisetsky's P.O.V.]** _

_International Skaters' Festival_. That's what they were calling this. Similar to the banquet, but there was stuff to do outside too and it lasted six days. It was in Japan, which wasn't too bad, seeing as I've been here before and the scenery is nice... But that also meant Yuuri Katsuki was getting all the attention. Though Chris was bragging because his birthday was tomorrow, the 14th of February, also Valentine's Day... Jeez, I wonder how gross Viktor and the Katsudon are going to get...

I stepped into the hotel, only to feel a pat on my head. And, mind you, it wasn't very gentle. "Hey, little kitten." I turned quickly to see my most dreaded nemesis... that jerk, JJ. I immediately smacked his hand away, shooting a menacing glare. Well, this was off to a _great_ start. Please note the sarcasm. "Asshole..." I simply mumbled before walking to the front desk. I was trying to be mature.

"Yuri Plisetsky from Russia." I stated my name clearly to the woman at the front desk. She just smiled, but the next thing she said made my stomach turn. "Who are you sharing a room with?"

_Room sharing? Shit, I remember now. Only skaters and coaches got to stay at this hotel, which meant I couldn't just share a room with my grandfather. He went over this with me and I totally forgot! I have to share a room with another skater..._ _I have to share a room with another skater..._

 

The lady looked at me with a bit of concern. "Mr. Plisetsky, would you like a list of skaters to look over?" I nodded hastily, taking a booklet from her to look over the skaters names. The names were all blurring together as I panicked. _What if my roommate catches hint that I'm--? No. Now's not the time for that._

I could feel the anxiety creeping back up, building and building until I felt a soft touch on my shoulder. "H-hey! Don't touch me you stupid--!" I cut myself off, realizing who it was... _My friend. My only "friend"._ My face immediately went red as I mumbled an apology. Otabek accepted the apology, knowing I was just on edge.

 

"He'll share a room with me." That is what the Kazakh male had stated simply. The lady at the desk slanted in her chair to look at me for confirmation.

"Is that alright, Mr. Plisetsky?" She made the quick inquiry, adjusting her glasses. I knew I had to come up with a logical response, or I'd look suspicious. _Hurry up, Yuri.. Hurry up!_

I couldn't think of a single excuse, in that moment, to get me out of this situation. Without even thinking, I nodded silently. "Alright then. Mr. Altin, you are now sharing a residence space with Yuri Plisetsky for the next six days. Please, enjoy your stay!" She handed Otabek the room cards, labeled _Room 400._ My face was red with embarrassment as Otabek patted my bag as a signal to go to the elevator. "Sorry..." I mumbled again, pulling my suitcase along to the elevator. I trailed behind my friend, letting him press the button for the fourth floor. I stepped in, completely silent. I knew it would strike him as odd, but...

 

"Are you feeling alright, Yura?" His gaze directly met mine, expressing concern. _Yura~_ Right, he was one of the only people allowed to call me that. I probably took too long to respond because he spoke up again. "Yura, is something bothering you?" I felt a slight pressure on my cheek, cool to my skin; the skin which was a fiery inferno at this point. It felt rather nice... Absent-mindedly, I reached my hand up to the source of the cooling pressure, resting it atop whatever was there.

_It's not like an ice pack... It's soft and comforting. I just want to--_

My eyes had closed without me noticing, only to open at the elevator's resonating _'ding'_ sound. We had arrived on the fourth floor. Coming back to my senses, I had realized that I was holding Otabek's hand to my face, rather insistently at that. "I'm... sorry." I immediately moved my hand away from his.

_Fuck! I must've looked so stupid!_

"Yura, I think you have a fever. Come on, you need to rest." Otabek grabbed my unoccupied hand gently and led me to our room, which was at the very beginning of the hall. He swiped the card to open the door, tugging me inside. Shutting the door soon after, he released my hand. "Please, go lay down. I'll get you some water and medication."

 _Eww, medicine..._ I knew I probably needed it though. I had a migraine as well. Plus, Otabek looked really concerned. So what did I do? I walked my ass over to the closest bed and face-planted onto it. I made sure my face was buried deep enough that the pillows could muffle my screams of embarrassment. When I looked up again, I saw more concern written all over his face. Slowly, without a word, I sat up. I reached out, gingerly taking the water bottle and medication from him. _One... two.._ The medicine was gone, hopefully starting to work in my system.

Otabek patted my head before turning to walk... somewhere. On impulse, I grabbed his hand and held him in place. "Where are you going?" My emotions betrayed me, making my words come from my mouth in a childishly scared mess. He turned to face me, blinking a few times.

"I was just going to put my stuff away." Instead of trying to break away and do what he intended to, he carefully took a seat beside me. "Yura, seriously. Are you alright?" His gaze was soft and filled with worry. That expression broke something inside me. I laid back on the mattress, but failed to let go of his hand. Deciding to steer clear of that question, I opted to give him some information he deserved to know.

"Well, uh... I just wanted you to know that... I toss and turn quite a bit in my sleep. I mumble and..." I trailed off and, in turn, got an expectant look from my friend. He wanted me to continue. "...I wake up suddenly because I've been having nightmares recently. I get all worked up and panic and I--" Silenced by his index finger, my friend's gaze softened further.

"Don't worry... You can wake me up if you get frightened or can't return to your sleep state. I don't mind." He moved his finger away from my lips, brushing some hair away from my face. "You should rest." His words were so kind, I was stunned to silence. But... _Rest? It was only 6:30 in the evening_.

"But Beka..." I began slowly, but couldn't finish. I felt his fingers running through my hair comfortingly, lulling me to sleep. _Dammit, Beka... Why are you so good at this?_ And soon enough, everything went dark. I was asleep.

 

**[** **Глава Конец** **]**

_**[Chapter End]** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((A/N: Sorry for such a long delay! But I finally got to update and I hope y'all liked it! Next chapter, you'll get to have a deeper understanding of what Yuri's nightmares are like~!))


	3. KOSHMARY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Koshmary" means "Nightmares" in Russian.

**_[Yuri Plisetsky's P.O.V.]_ **

 

  _It was dark._ I walked down a barely lit corridor for what seemed like hours, until a blindingly bright exit came into view. I stepped out to see a full house of people sitting in the viewing seats around the rink; the rink in Barcelona. But it was silent, all eyes landing on me with disgust. Yuuri and JJ were standing on the podium, in the second and third place spaces respectively. Yuuri looked  shocked and JJ wore an arrogant smirk. The others stood on the ice, expressions varying, yet relaying the same message. Phichit's gaze was glassy and averted. Chris had his arms folded with a look of annoyance. And finally, Beka... His glare was so intense. It was like daggers stabbing into his chest, piercing the heart I had come to cherish him with. 

 

   Suddenly, a Spanish announcer pushed me over to the podium and a judge stood before me. "Yuri Plisetsky, tell us something. Why would you deceive your fans? Letting them cheer for you, thinking you're a boy... Don't you think that's _disgusting_?" I stared at the judge with disbelief.

_How did they find out?_

  For the longest time, I said nothing. Nothing until I remembered my grandfather's words. With that in mind, I gave my response. "I _am_ a boy. I was male the very moment I decided that I would be." I heard mumbling from the crowd, before the other skaters spoke up. 

First came Yuuri... 

"Oh, Yurio... I'm so disappointed. Why would you hide this from us?"

_I'm sorry._

Next was Chris...

"You _decided_? Outlandish!"

_No, it's not!_

"Not to mention, _stupid!_ "

That came from JJ.

_God, I hate him._

Finally... Beka.

"Why would you keep that from me? I thought we were friends!"   


_But... We are friends! I promise!_

What he said next hurt more than anything.

"I would've at least gotten third if _this liar_ wasn't here!"

_What? No! Why can't I speak?_

The judge inched closer. "Not gonna answer? Fine."

I felt a tug at my neck and my gold medal had been yanked away.

"This doesn't rightfully belong to you."

And then a push... Another... One more... 

  I was back in the corridor. It was dark, yet I could see everyone's faces clearly. There was another blinding light and a sudden breeze. I felt more pushing until the ground beneath my feet was lessening. I looked behind me to see a rather long fall into a terrifying ocean tempest below. How did I get here?

_Stop. Please._

_Why can't I speak?_  

   Otabek was staring me down as looked back ahead of me. "I can't believe you wouldn't tell me something like this." He sounded torn and _disgusted_... Just like the judge had said. His hands were on my chest, applying pressure. "You didn't trust me..."

   I was trying my hardest not to slip as I was being pushed. Everyone in front of me looked so upset or angry...

   Finally, I found some words managed to slip passed my lips. 

"I... I _do_ trust you! I honestly do. I just..." Words were failing me again, thus I had to be quick.

"I think... I think I even _loved_ you! You were my first friend and--" I was cut off by his voice, pained and stressed. 

   "I don't want a liar's love! Nobody does!" I didn't even have time to react. The ground disappeared beneath my feet and I was falling. Everything slowed down even the tears running down my face seemed to take forever spilling from the corners of my eyes.

_This is it... My career ends here. Not just my career, my entire life._

   Finally, I made impact with the freezing water, sinking as if I were a boulder. I couldn't return to the surface! I was running out of air, choking. _I couldn't breathe! HELP ME._

_~~~_

   I sat up so quickly, my mind began to throb intensely. I was sweating so badly and my breathing was heavy. It was dark, just like the dream. I began to panic, until I felt movement beside me. "Yura? Are you okay? What happened?" A tired voice, full of worry resonated from the room I was in. _Where am I?_ Then I remembered, I'm at a hotel in Japan and I'm sharing a room... with Beka. 

   The lamp beside the bed suddenly switched on and I could see my surroundings. From the looks of it, Beka had fallen asleep against the headboard of the bed. _Did he really stay beside me the entire time?_ Real tears stung at the corners of my eyes at the thought of worrying him. Moreover, he was still here with me, not watching as I fell off a cliff. "Yura, what happened?" He repeated.

  Without thinking, I instantly flung myself at him, crying my eyes dry. "I couldn't breathe! I was pushed off a cliff and I was so cold!" I was a sobbing mess as I continued. "I couldn't swim back up and..." I had to be careful what I told him. "Beka, it was so awful!" I cried against the fabric of his jacket, dampening the material. 

   I felt strong, yet gentle arms embrace me and pull me closer. One of his hands was playing with my hair soothingly again as he tried to calm me down. "You're not drowning, Yura. You're right here, with me. I promise I'll protect you. Nobody will push you off a cliff." His words warmed my heart, but I couldn't stop crying.

   "What if... What if _you_ decide _you_ want to push me off a cliff?" My words surprised him, however, he rested his chin gently atop my head. His arms pulled me closer to him, loosening some tension in my body.

   "Yura, that's absurd. I'd never do that. Please, calm down." I slowly felt my body slinking downward and I found myself laying down on the mattress once again. Only this time, Beka was laying beside me and held me in a tight embrace. My tears slowly began to taper away and my arms reach around to return the embrace. I slowed my breathing, looking over to the clock. It was 3:20 AM. Soon after, I buried my face against his chest and took in the comforting scent. And me, being an idiot, guess what I did? 

   "You smell nice..." I didn't get a direct response, just a gentle squeeze and fingers gliding softly through my hair. Before I knew it, I was back asleep and not a single thought, let alone nightmare, came to plague my mind. I was at peace for the night, or rather, _morning._

 

 **[** **Глава Конец** **]**

_**[Chapter End]** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((A/N: I just had so much inspiration to write tonight, so y'all got TWO chapters! Thank you for reading!))

**Author's Note:**

> While I do not believe to any extent that Yuri Plisetsky is actually a canon female, a friend of mine sprung this idea at me. So I thought: "Why not?" I hope you enjoyed and I'll do my best to update soon! And don't worry, the Otabek x Yuri will happen eventually!


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